


a lifetime to die

by skioctober



Series: tales from the canonverse [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, LIKE HUGE ENDGAME SPOILERS, Major Endgame Spoilers, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression, Self-Insert, probably some other shit I can't think of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-03-13 10:20:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18938971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skioctober/pseuds/skioctober
Summary: "In one moment, Anna reaches out to touch her, steady her – in the next she's gone.Just gone."Thanos succeeds, and the survivors struggle to pick up the pieces.





	1. act i

**Author's Note:**

> Couldn't resist writing this after I saw the movie for the second time. Like I said in the tags, there are HUGE spoilers for Endgame, so if you somehow haven't seen the movie yet and want it to stay a surprise - turn back now!
> 
> There are notes at the end of the work regarding background on the world-building for this, too. As always, please enjoy and leave me some feedback!
> 
>  "the tired sunsets and the tired people it takes a lifetime to die and no time at all." - charles bukowski

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When it happens, Anna and Alyssa are out to lunch.

They're in the thick of planning Anna's wedding, which has kept them in a mixed state of joyous vexation for three months now.

James wants a spring wedding, on the grounds of the upstate facility for security reasons, and Anna isn't thrilled with that, but she's getting her intimate ceremony – and James – so she figures she can concede this point.

As Alyssa is flipping through a bridal magazine, turning it around to show Anna the dress she'd found, the strangest feeling comes over her.

A creeping sensation, then a sudden wave of disquiet. It shows obviously on her face, because Anna comments on it.

“Are you okay?” she asks, brows furrowing. “You look like you're going to be sick.”

Alyssa blinks, feels like her own sense of self is slipping quietly away. She tries to answer. “I don't... know...?”

In one moment, Anna reaches out to touch her, steady her – in the next she's gone.

Just gone.

Right before Anna's eyes, which are frozen in horror, Alyssa crumbles to dust. And blows away.

The world whites out, then slowly comes back in. The space around her seems to sway, tilting at odd angles, and all she hears is a dull roar like the far-off crashing of waves.

All around her are clouds of dust, thin filaments that wisp idly by before dissolving into nothing. Those remaining in the cafe with her are as staggered as she is.

_Alyssa?_ She tries to speak, tries to call out, but there are no words. There is no Alyssa.

There is nothing.

Panic, sudden and swift, blazes up inside her and she comes alive with it. She bolts up from the table, knocking over her chair, and rushes out the door.

Stumbling into the street, she sees it everywhere.

The dust of people and animals, living creatures, lingering in the air and drifting aimlessly. Like ashes.

Like they're dead.

_No._

She's struggling to breathe now, every inhale too quick, too shallow. Distantly she knows she's hyperventilating.

_What do I do? Where do I go? Who do I –_

_Dad._

Frantic, she fumbles in her pockets for her phone, drops it twice and cracks the screen before she manages to unlock it and swipe across her father's number.

It rings. And rings, and rings, and rings, and _goddammit pick up the phone, Dad, please!_

“ _You have reached the voicemail box of –_ ”

_What about Mother?_

She dials, over and over, desperate to reach someone, but every attempt to get through is a failure.

She calls James, dialing what he jokingly refers to as his work phone. He and Steve have been in Wakanda for almost a month now, working on drafting a better version of the failed Sokovia Accords, and it's the only way she has of contacting him.

She calls six times, but it's the same as all the others. James doesn't answer, and she's crying now, shaking so hard she feels her bones rattle with the force of it.

Chaos is unfolding.

People screaming, frightened, calling for their vanished loved ones. Down the street several cars, now unmanned, veer into trees and fire hydrants. On the corner of the block is a little boy, wailing for his mother.

The devastation is incomprehensible, and permeates everything. Anna watches it all play out, feeling a cool detachment creep over her.

She must be in shock, she thinks.

She can think of only one person left to call, and this time when she raises the phone to her ear her hand is oddly steady.

Steve's number is different only in that it goes directly to his voicemail. Even the vague hope that he might be there to help has been snuffed out.

Anna's hand falls limply to her side as she continues weeping silently, pitifully lost.

No Steve. No Alyssa. No James.

There is nothing.

A weak beam of sunlight struggling through the thickening clouds strikes the ring on her hand. The gemstone sparkles, and to Anna seems to mock her.

Looking at it pierces through her and like the refracting light Anna breaks, all the pieces of her shattering and flying apart.

And she screams.

 

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	2. act ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Steve – is James...is he...?”
> 
> “I'm sorry.” Her tears are mirrored on his cheeks. “I'm so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little short, but the chapters will get longer as we go. I'm honestly really proud of how this story turned out, so I hope y'all are enjoying reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> "the tired sunsets and the tired people it takes a lifetime to die and no time at all." - charles bukowski

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She's standing next to Pepper when the Wakandan jet touches down at the facility upstate.

They come off one by one: Colonel Rhodes, Thor with a raccoon-like creature Anna has never seen before, Bruce, Natasha, and then Steve.

Natasha meets her eyes, tries to muster a smile for her. She reads the question in Anna's eyes, but says nothing. Shattered, she follows the others inside the building.

Only Steve remains on the landing pad with Anna, and the quiet devastation in his expression is so complete that tears immediately spring to her eyes.

“Steve – is James...is he...?”

“I'm sorry.” Her tears are mirrored on his cheeks. “I'm so sorry.”

The sound that escapes her is tortured, the pain of the truth searing through her. She had allowed herself to hope, and that indulgence has cost her.

“He was right there,” Steve chokes, forcing the words out. “He was standing right in front of me, and then he was just... just gone. There was nothing I could do.”

_Just gone._

The same anguish burning through her is, she sees, consuming Steve as well. She goes to him, pulls him into a vice grip embrace that he returns fiercely.

“I know,” she whispers. “I know. We were having lunch, looking at ideas for – for the wedding...there was nothing I could do, either.”

A shudder rocks through him.

Steve loves Alyssa deeply and Anna understands the severity of the blow, understands the pain that comes with it.

She thinks of the ring on her finger, glittering forlornly, of the velvet box Steve has kept hidden for months in his sock drawer, just waiting for the right time, and aches for them both.

“It's okay,” she murmurs. Her instinct to reassure, to nurture, begins to surface. “We'll figure it out, and it'll all be fine.”

She wants to believe it. More than anything she wants to believe that they can rally, fight again and make it right. But where has hope gotten her?

If even Steve Rogers, _Captain America himself_ , can fail and return so broken, is there any point?

But her words have some effect, because Steve takes a deep breath and pulls back to look at her. The grief in his eyes remains, but it's tempered by a flash of determination.

Steve Rogers, the scrappy kid from Brooklyn, has not given up. In spite of herself, Anna feels a flicker of _something_ spark inside her, trying to come to life.

He's still going to fight, and Anna knows he won't rest until it's all made right. Until Thanos's victims have been avenged.

“You're right.” He gives her a grim smile, squeezes her hand gratefully. “Come on. We've got work to do.”

 

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	3. act iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She stumbles to the door and on the other side is Steve, looking more haunted than she's ever seen him. Tears streak his face, pool in his broken eyes, and she knows.
> 
> She knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a day earlier than usual, because my sister is visiting and tomorrow is her birthday. I can't guarantee I'll be home in time to update.
> 
> This chapter is a little longer, and my only real note to add is that the song Anna plays is "I'll Be With You In Apple Blossom Time" by The Andrews Sisters. It's a beautiful song and my use of it was inspired by a later scene in sarahbeniel's WinterShock fic "Meet Me at Sunset" (so SO good, 100/10 recommend reading it, and her other works!) Her scene is actually a happy one, but I felt like the sweetness of the song would really highlight Anna's grief and longing here. I wanted to include a link to the audio, but it's been years since I've done that and I don't remember how lol
> 
> Anywho, hope y'all are enjoying this feels-fest. As always, I appreciate any feedback y'all have to offer.
> 
> "the tired sunsets and the tired people it takes a lifetime to die and no time at all." - charles bukowski

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Three weeks.

They've searched tirelessly for Thanos with bare scraps of intel, and every attempt to locate their missing allies comes up cold.

Every time a lead dead-ends or another person is discovered “vanished”, the wound in Anna's heart deepens.

She moves into the facility in the room next door to Steve's. She can't bear to go back alone to the apartment she shared with James, only returning to pack her things when Nat or Steve can spare time to go with her.

The signs of her grief and depression are beginning to manifest physically. She goes through the motions to lessen the burden on Steve, but every day is harder and harder to get through.

Most noticeable is the weight she's dropping, despite the meals Pepper and Natasha continue to put in front of her. Anna eats what she can stomach, but most nights it doesn't stay down.

Her clothes are beginning to hang off her as if they're sizes too big, and the gauntness of her face is only barely concealed by her makeup.

The arrival of Carol Danvers is a shock, and something of a break for the team. She's a special case like the rest of them, and the possibilities opened up by her presence are a boost to morale.

Anna doesn't trust to hope.

Tony's return to the team is bittersweet.

He's gaunt, half-starved and stricken with grief. The relief that he's alive is palpable – he and Steve are the cornerstones of the Avengers – but if Steve thought Tony would rally behind them, he's sorely mistaken.

After Tony's heartbreaking outburst and subsequent collapse, Anna stays locked away in her room. The weight of it all is becoming too much, and she doesn't have the heart to fake a smile through another strategy meeting.

Later, hours or maybe days, she can never tell anymore, Steve knocks on her door.

Anna answers, intending to beg off whatever well-meaning plans he may have, but the grim determination on his face stops her short. “You found him.”

“We found him.” Steve steps inside when she motions for him to do so. “Nebula confirmed the location, Rocket will take us up. We'll get the Stones back. We won't lose this time.”

That burning light is in his eyes and Anna desperately wants to believe him, but she's spent weeks believing, being hurt all over again when they fail anew.

She's not sure how much more her heart can take.

“When do you leave?”

“An hour, tops. They're getting the ship ready now.”

Her eyes slide closed, hand pressing hard over her heart. She digs deep, deep down through her anger and despair, grief and doubts, to put on a smile for him.

“They'd be so jealous,” she says, eyes stinging. “That you get to go into space before them. They're such nerds.”

Steve laughs, the watery sound catching in his throat. “They would. I'll have to rub it in good when we see them.”

He smiles so sweetly then that Anna can't help stretching to press a soft kiss to his cheek. She looks him seriously in the eyes. “Be careful, Steve.”

“Yes ma'am.”

Afterward, Anna spends the long hours of the mission curled up on her bed.

She keeps the lights off and the curtains drawn. In the cool dark, she allows herself once more to hope, to believe in Steve's indomitable will to succeed.

She imagines seeing her sister again, hugging her and laughing and telling her how much she's missed her.

She imagines James, whole and handsome, taking her in his arms and smiling that smile of his – cocksure and charming, soft at the edges.

She'll scold him for being gone so long, and he'll give her those big, innocent blue eyes before kissing her soft and sweet.

And everything will be right again.

Their song is playing from her phone speaker, an infinite loop of softly crooning voices. It's an old number, something her grandmother's mother might have listened to, of lovers wedding in the spring.

It makes her remember the first time they danced to it, during a birthday party for Steve when Tony thought it would be funny to play music from Steve's youth, and she recalls how shyly James had asked for her hand.

It makes her ache, and the fierce longing in her pushes yet more tears from her eyes.

She has shed, it seems, the tears of a lifetime in only a few short weeks.

Time blurs, and only when she hears the soft knocking at her door does she realize she'd fallen into a dreamy half-sleep.

She stumbles to the door and on the other side is Steve, looking more haunted than she's ever seen him. Tears streak his face, pool in his broken eyes, and she knows.

She _knows_.

The last fragile piece of her heart shatters, but there are no tears this time. Perhaps she's cried all she had left.

She pulls him to her, gathers him up close and tight, and he cleaves to her for dear life. Seeing Steve Rogers so broken down and defeated is unnerving, and this more than anything else drives home the reality of their situation.

For the rest of the night they stay like this, clinging to each other, grieving a loss made permanent and the fractured world they now must live with.

All the while, the song continues to loop in the background, its sweet and hopeful words underscoring the raw despair in Anna's heart.

 

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_I'll be with you in apple blossom time_  
I'll be with you to change your name to mine  


_Church bells will chime_  
You will be mine  
In apple blossom time 

 

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	4. act iv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anything could go wrong. Everything could go right.
> 
> Anna doesn't know which terrifies her more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a good bit longer than its predecessors, and contains probably 45 minutes worth of content from the movie. I actually had to go back and rewrite this to include some details I felt were important, after I saw the movie a second time and was like "oh, I totally forgot about that".
> 
> Like always, I hope y'all enjoy reading and leave me some feedback!

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The drive back to the facility is short, but pleasant.

In late spring the flowers are blooming in full force, bold reds and soft pinks and blues standing out brightly among the verdant trees.

She's off work an hour early and the sun is shining strong in the west, so she has the windows rolled down. On the warm breeze, the scent of roses and warm pavement fills the car.

It's a small pleasure in her life, and distracts her from other, more difficult things.

In the compound, Rhodey sits in the common room, making his visit in person this time. Anna pauses to greet him and kiss his cheek, but doesn't linger.

She's had to distance herself from the shop-talk. She doesn't begrudge Nat her need to continue working, searching, but Anna can no longer be part of it. Her tenuous peace is hard-won and she can't allow it to be jeopardized.

In the confines of the facility, however, she cannot ignore the truth of her reality the way she had coming home from Highland.

Five years.

Almost to the day, and it's surreal to think so much time has passed. She can hardly believe she's survived it.

It's been the longest five years of her life, and while it isn't necessarily easier to deal with, she's grown accustomed to the gaping absences Thanos left, and the grief that lingers behind.

Things aren't as bad as they used to be. The first year was the worst, and on the anniversary she'd had a fit, emotions shattering, and shorn her hair. Steve found her in her bathroom, crumpled on the floor surrounded by her hacked off locks, weeping hysterically.

It terrified him.

After a strong sedative and nearly two days of sleep, Anna had wakened to a crushing guilt. Steve had enough on his plate to worry about, and the fear she'd struck in him had been so pointless.

She'd done better after that.

She functioned well through her days, tried to get out of the compound and be active. Anytime she felt like she was going to crumble, she went to Nat to talk it out.

The spy understood her turbulent feelings, and her empathy helped to assuage them.

The closest Anna came to breaking again was after the third anniversary.

She'd found a small job at the time, just simple data entry and billing, and had formed a comfortable routine. One of her coworkers had expressed interest in taking her out and for weeks she'd dodged his advances.

Nat had encouraged her to at least go out once, have some fun, live her life. Anna resisted, but ultimately Steve convinced her to go. James wouldn't want to see her waste her life away, he'd reasoned softly.

So she left her ring on her vanity and went.

Emil was a nice man, and a gentleman the entire night. He'd lost his longtime boyfriend, during an anniversary dinner. He'd planned to propose. Anna understood how he felt.

But as the date wore on her anxiety persisted, the feeling of something off and _wrong_ roiling in her gut. She thanked Emil for the evening, but declined a second date.

By the time she returned to the facility, she was in tears.

No one could replace James, could ever hope to compare, and the guilt that she had even attempted to do so was crippling. She spent the night weeping in Steve's arms, clutching her ring, while he apologized over and over again.

There were no more dates.

No one can ever hold her heart the way James had, and somehow she knows that no matter how she's able to move on, she will never love another.

She's resigned to that, and simply focuses on living her life day by day. There's nothing else.

Until weeks later, when Scott Lang turns up outside the front gate.

This time, Anna can't avoid sitting in and listening to Steve and Nat debrief Scott. Everyone had assumed that he, like the others, had vanished during the Snap. To learn that he had been inside Quantum Realm this entire time – and that for him it had only been a matter of hours – is shocking.

And gives them pause.

As Scott lays out the base details of his plan, despite the inherent silliness of it, Anna can feel the energy snapping between Steve and Nat. Can see the looks they're shooting each other.

An idea is forming, and Anna doesn't know how she feels about that.

She rides along when they drive out to Tony's cabin. Contact with him has been scarce since he came back to Earth. They know he married Pepper, and that Morgan was born. Anna sends birthday and Christmas cards every year.

Despite the tension when they meet, it's good to see Tony and Pepper again. Anna has missed her friends. Morgan has grown so much, and she can see a lot of both parents in the precocious little girl.

She'll be a formidable woman when she's older.

Tony refuses to work with the team again, obviously afraid of jeopardizing what he has, and Anna can't blame him. She understands his reservations, and if there's a part of her that wants to resent Tony for having the very things that were stolen from her she stamps it out ruthlessly.

Meeting with Bruce is a surreal and painfully awkward experience. She doesn't think she'll ever get used to seeing him and the Hulk so unified. But he agrees to help them, and the anticipation simmering off Steve is palpable.

They'll need the rest of the team, too, but Steve holds off until they confirm Scott's theory and execute it to his satisfaction. The latter proves difficult, and after many failed test runs she can see the frustration getting to Steve.

Tony rolling back into the facility is a surprise. Tony brandishing the devices that will successfully allow them to navigate the Quantum Realm at will is _shocking_.

Suddenly, their pipe dream is a reality and the team begins working round the clock. They bring in Thor and Clint, and it breaks Anna's heart to see how run-down they've become.

Clint doesn't tease quite the way he used to, doesn't smile as easily. Thor plays the part of the merry drunk, but the dull grief in his eyes is clear as day. It's sad to see, and Anna wonders if this plan of theirs will really work, will really accomplish anything.

What if it's another failure?

She keeps the fear to herself. It's been so long since that fire was in Steve's eyes, since Natasha had smiled so genuinely, that she can't bear to ruin it for them with her own misgivings.

She paces the lab madly while they're gone. It's only a matter of seconds for her, but each one feels like a lifetime. Anything could go wrong. Everything could go right.

Anna doesn't know which terrifies her more.

The team reappears in a flash, laughing, spirits high. Anna meets Steve's eyes and the triumph sparkling in them makes her heart soar.

Until Clint hits his knees and Bruce asks, “Clint, where's Nat?”

One look at the quiet devastation on Clint's face, streaked with tears, has her heart plummeting again.

Nat is gone, and that grief is staggering. Even with the Stones, they know there's no way to bring her back. But her sacrifice solidifies their determination to succeed – no one will allow her death to be in vain.

The new gauntlet is completed, and Anna has mixed feelings looking upon it. That much power unsettles her, it could be so easily misused. It's decided that Bruce will take on the responsibility of using it, and next to Steve or Thor, Anna can agree that Bruce is the most likely person to survive the power surge.

It's hard to watch him so clearly in pain, but after a few minutes he acclimates to the energy.

And then he snaps his fingers.

For a moment, they're all stunned by the backlash of energy from that single use. Bruce is on the floor, his arm shriveled and scarred, but otherwise unharmed as Steve looks him over.

The lockdown is reversed and light floods the lab. They're all looking around at each other, dazed and cautious. Anna meets Steve's eyes and sees her own uncertainty mirrored there.

_Did they do it?_

There's a moment of stillness, then Scott's voice coming from the hall.

“Hey guys, I think it worked –”

The explosion is sudden and complete, blacking out all her senses. One moment she is stepping toward Steve, the next she is falling what feels like miles into the earth.

There is no time to gasp, to scream, to even think. She falls, and then strikes hard against the rock.

Pain explodes across her skull and when she comes to a stop she can only lie there, stunned and disoriented.

From somewhere in the distance, she thinks she hears her name being called. She tries to respond, but her mouth remains closed.

She can't even open her eyes.

She lasts another minute, alone down in the dark, before she has to let go. Sleep looms up and over, a silent wave, and she lets it pull her down.

 

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	5. act v

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She tries to think back, to piece together the events that led her here. Bruce, slipping his hand into the gauntlet. The snap knocking him flat out, Clint's phone ringing. The timid hope that it might have worked –
> 
> The explosion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting closer and closer! 
> 
> Not a whole lot happening this round, but I like the way it turned out. The sibling-like relationship between Steve and Anna is interesting to me, and something I plan to explore further in the future.
> 
> Y'all enjoy!

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Slowly, the world comes back into focus.

Dim light penetrates the dark, outlining the cracked and caved earth around her. Cold and damp seep into her, chilling her to the bone.

She inhales, hisses brokenly. The pain shoots straight through her, alerting her to the damage to her bones, likely broken ribs.

Anna pries her eyes open and blinks to clear them. Smoky light allows her to see the strange crevice she'd fallen into.

Another attempt to move brings the sloshing of water, and she realizes she's sprawled in a shallow pool of it. Idly, she marvels that she hadn't accidentally drowned.

_What happened?_

She tries to think back, to piece together the events that led her here. Bruce, slipping his hand into the gauntlet. The snap knocking him flat out, Clint's phone ringing. The timid hope that it might have worked –

The explosion.

In the distance, she can hear a dull roaring, a faint clanging. Little tremors rock the earth, travel through the rock and stone to jolt her. It takes her several minutes to process the information, and comprehend it.

_We're under attack._

That realization sparks more life in her, a sense of urgency. She can't fight – James had started her on some basic training, but she'd let the lessons fall away – and would only be a hindrance, but she has to at least know what's going on.

_Who survived the explosion? Who's fighting now?_

It's a miracle Anna survived at all, given her lack of any super serums or unusual abilities. It gives her some hope that if she, the weakest of them all, could skate by the others could have made it out okay as well.

With herculean effort, she rolls onto her side. Her ribs are on fire and other places ache fiercely, and it's another span of minutes before she has the energy to try to sit up.

But she manages that, too, and with sheer tenacity heaves herself up onto her knees. She stays in that position, braced on all fours. The movement, the effort of it, leaves her dizzy and short of breath, as if she'd run a mile.

_Don't stop here. You have to get out._

She thinks of her friends, fighting for their lives just beyond the cave she'd fallen into. She can see the opening some ways down, where the light is filtering in, and gritting her teeth forces herself to stand.

The walk outside is arduous, agonizing work. She has to lean her weight on the cave wall, and her steps are small and shuffling as an old maid's.

On her feet now, she can feel the damage her body has sustained. Her ribs seem to be the worst of it, if she isn't concussed, but there are dozens of aches and pains flaring up.

Her knees protest the weight of her with every step, and the myriad cuts and bruises on her skin sting hotly. The discomfort is extreme and keeps her pace at a stilted crawl.

It seems like an age, but finally she reaches the opening and can peer out at the grounds. The devastation to the landscape is complete, blasted away by whatever had attacked them.

What arrests her attention, though, are the massive clouds blowing up from the ground. They drift aimlessly for a moment, before dissipating into nothing.

_Nothing._

Like when Alyssa vanished right in front of her. The visual reminder, the memory, makes her stomach pitch uneasily, but she spots the sheen of Steve's shield, even from this distance, and relief floods her.

They won. They did it.

She takes in the view of all their friends, everyone who was lost, now returned. Joy spears through her, spurs her onward.

It's a climb down what is now jagged terrain, made twice as difficult by her injuries, but the pain is nothing now. Breathless, she stops at the fringes of what can only be described as their literal army of allies.

Those nearest to her, a mix of sorcerers and Dora Milaje, turn to face her. Suspicion glints in their eyes, initially, but they must decide that if she were an enemy she wouldn't have been left behind because one of the Milaje comes forward to help her.

“What happened?” she croaks, voice strained from disuse.

“Thanos is defeated,” the warrior responds, allowing Anna to lean on her. “We are victorious.”

Relief again, stronger this time, leaves her nearly boneless. “Oh, thank God. Where's Steve? Can you take me to him?”

“You are a friend to the captain?” The warrior's eyes are watchful.

“He's my brother,” Anna replies, and means it.

The woman gives her a long, searching look, and appears to deem her honest. She hands her spear off to one of her sisters and lifts Anna with surprising care.

“I will bring you to him.”

Anna allows herself to be carried over the grounds, knowing she wouldn't be able to get there herself, and struggles to keep her eyes open through the exhaustion threatening to swamp her.

She can hear the murmur of voices, people running here and there, calling out. Looking for comrades, taking stock of the damages. Somewhere close by she hears Steve, issuing orders in that firm, no-nonsense tone of his. Captain America's voice.

She almost smiles.

“Captain Rogers,” the warrior calls, stopping feet away from where Steve is gathered with Rhodey and Pepper. “Your sister has been found.”

Steve looks over, confusion plain on his face because he is an only child, but the expression is wiped clean when he sees her.

“Oh God, Anna,” he says, rushing forward to take her. “Where are you hurt?”

“Ribs are broken, I think,” she rasps. “Everywhere else is just cut and bruised.”

His expression is aggrieved. “I'm sorry. We should have looked for you. We should have found you sooner.”

“Seems like you had bigger problems.” She manages to smile up at him, but something in his eyes trips an alarm. “What is it?”

The sigh that leaves him is a tremulous, broken thing. “Tony. He got the stones away from Thanos. Snapped his fingers, turned them all to dust. It was too much.”

Looking aside, Anna can see Pepper hunched over, Rhodey's arm around her, and Peter crumbling beside them.

Her heart breaks, tears filling her eyes. Natasha, and now Tony. The price to avenge their world is impossibly, cruelly high.

“I'm so sorry,” she murmurs, burrowing into him.

“So am I.”

She lets the moment linger for a time, allowing them to acknowledge the loss and grieve another loved one taken. But soon the burning need to ask, to _know_ , becomes to much.

“Steve,” she whispers, somehow afraid to hear the answer. “Is he...?”

The words stick in her throat, but Steve catches her meaning. “I haven't seen him yet. But I know he's here. We'll find him.”

“I want to see him,” she says, tears of grief and longing and pure exhaustion blurring her eyes. “I want to see James.”

“I know, sweetheart.” Steve cradles her closer. “I'll get you to him. Just rest for now, okay?”

“Promise?” she asks, head swimming. It's getting harder and harder to keep her eyes open. All the pain she'd ignored earlier swells up and her body can't handle anymore.

“I promise,” Steve swears, and Anna believes him.

“Hold you to that,” she says, words beginning to slur. Her eyes fall closed and the noises surrounding them fade off.

“I'll get you to him. We'll all be back together soon. Rest now.”

_I don't want rest,_ she thinks, but she's already dropping away. _I want James._

A memory flashes through, cool blue eyes and a smile both cocksure and affectionate. Warmth blooms in her breast, spreading outward, and she lets it carry her off.

_We'll all be back together soon._

 

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	6. act vi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looks exhausted, bruised bags beneath his eyes and worry lines marring his brow. He's more unkempt than he usually prefers, with the scruff on his jaw and his hair growing wild. 
> 
> He's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The finale!
> 
> I love, love, love everything about this chapter. It's one of my favorite things I've written, to date. Thanks for all the kudos and bookmarks, you guys. I appreciate y'all's support!

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She wakes to light.

Pale and soft, it spills into the room from the large windows. She stares through them for a few minutes, processing the green crowns of the trees dim against a turgid sky.

There's a dull ache in her ribs where they're mending, and she can feel the itch of the bandages, but otherwise she seems fine.

She doesn't know where she is, or where she could be. The compound had been all but decimated, nothing left but the skeletal remains of the structure centered in a small wasteland.

Is she still in New York?

There were hundreds of sorcerers fighting with the Avengers, so it's possible she was taken elsewhere through one of their portals.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a tiny shuffling noise to her right. Startled, she snaps her head over to locate the source and the breath catches in her lungs.

Her heart bursts.

The spindly chair he's slumped in must be beyond uncomfortable. His clothes are clean, dark pants and a shirt she doesn't recognize as his, and any injuries he may have had from the battle are long healed.

Leaning sideways in the chair, so much larger that he's nearly falling out of it, James rests with his head propped on his cybernetic arm, breathing deep and slow.

He looks exhausted, bruised bags beneath his eyes and worry lines marring his brow. He's more unkempt than he usually prefers, with the scruff on his jaw and his hair growing wild.

He's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen.

“James,” she whimpers, tears streaming furiously down her cheeks. She's already sitting up, reaching out for him. _“James.”_

His eyes snap open, alerted by her voice, the vivid blue of them piercing through her. The glaze of sleep burns away and he pulls her to him, holding her tightly.

“Anna,” he breathes, the rasp of his voice breaking over her like a wave, and she clings to him.

Anna trembles, emotions unraveling and restitching back together, becoming whole again. James is here, he is real, and she is whole again.

“You're here,” she cries, rushing kisses all over his face, his jaw, his neck, anywhere she can reach. “You're real, aren't you? Tell me I'm not dreaming.”

“I'm here.” He pulls back to look her in the eyes, cradles her face gently between his hands. “I'm real. You're not dreaming.”

“I missed you so much.” The words tremble out on a sigh and she stares into his eyes, drinking him in. “I thought I would never see you again.”

His lips graze her forehead, thumbs tenderly brushing away her tears. “I'm sorry. I never woulda left you alone like that if I'd had a choice.”

“I know. It wasn't your fault..” She rests her forehead against his. “I never blamed you.”

“You've been out a couple days. Steve's been telling me how it was for you, what all you went through. I hate that you've been hurtin' by yourself all this time.”

Anna cards her fingers through his hair, a gesture that always used to soothe him. “Not all by myself. I had Steve and Nat,” her voice catches thinking of Natasha, “and we all looked out for each other. I wouldn't be here still if I'd really been alone.”

She can see how her words pain him, but it's the truth. She doesn't let it hang between them, smiling sweetly and kissing him on the cheek. “But you're home now. I'm so happy.”

He smiles at her, lovelight shining in his eyes. “I love you.”

A laugh bubbles up in her chest and she sets it free. “I love you, too.”

He takes her hands in his, squeezing them gently. His thumb traces back and forth over the ring on her finger. The jewel winks up at them.

“You still have it,” he murmurs.

“I do.”

“Steve said how it's been years, thought you might have found someone else.” There's no pain in his voice, no trace of jealousy or resentment. He's simply stating a fact.

“I couldn't,” she replies, and even the memory of her one attempt pains her to recall. “There's no one else who could hold my heart the way you do. You're it for me, James.”

The look he gives her is intense, so rife with feeling that her body shudders in response. His voice, when he speaks, is soft. “There's no one else for me, either.”

They stay close for several long minutes, basking in the sensation of being _together_ again. Anna is overcome with joy, with love for this man. Her heart is _beating_ for him, and suddenly she wants... everything.

“Marry me,” she says, impulse sweeping through her.

His brow wrinkles bemusedly. “Pretty sure I asked you first, doll.”

She smiles. “And I'm asking you now. Marry me, James.”

Amusement sparkles in his eyes and he asks, dryly, “Right now?”

“Right now.” Her eyes bore into his, and she doesn't fight the smile that pulls at her lips. He looks so adorably startled. “Marry me right now, today. I don't want to wait anymore.”

She watches the comprehension dawn on his face, followed by sheer, blinding joy. His smile is radiant, and the tears that gather in his eyes beget more of her own.

“Whatever you want,” he says, voice husky with feeling. “We'll call Steve, have him find us a place.”

“Oh!” The mention of Steve brings with it the realization that she hasn't yet seen her sister. “Alyssa, is she okay? Where is she?”

“She's fine,” James soothes, stroking her cheek. “She's safe, been glued to Steve's side since we found her. Can't say I blame 'em.”

Anna relaxes, happy tears still swimming in her eyes. “I want to see her, and Steve. Let's get everyone together. Where are we?”

“Vermont,” James replies, rising from his chair. He helps her out of the bed, mindful of her healing ribs. “Just outside of Dorset. Stark had a vacation home here. Pepper's letting us use it as a base of operations.”

Another pang, sharp and swift, hits her. One more friend gone, one less to share in their victory.

Emotional again, Anna stops just before they leave the room, pulls him down to plant a kiss firmly on his mouth. It's sweet, and the final piece of her shattered heart clicks back into place.

“Let's ask Pepper,” she suggests, leaning against him. “She might enjoy planning a wedding in a day.”

“She would,” James chuckles. “Why don't we find her?”

He smiles at her, and just looking at him everything is right again. He reaches down, linking their fingers tightly together and squeezing.

Anna's heart is full.

James leads her out of the room and, hands still firmly clasped, she follows after.

 

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**Author's Note:**

> Obviously since this is a canon divergence, there are things in my version that are not in the original MCU storyline. A brief overview of the most important things:  
> 1, and this is the basis of all my MCU AUs involving Bucky.) Bucky did NOT vanish into the wind after rescuing Steve. He stayed and got the help he needed, and after clearing his name & receiving years of necessary counseling and medical treatment, he officially became an Avenger (and got a damn haircut).  
> 2.) There WAS tension between Steve and Tony over the Accords, but once everyone figured out that Bucky was being framed, Steve comes clean to Tony about Howard's death, they both agree that the Accords are BS and they can come up with something better, and then they make up, kick ass, and tell Ross to fuck off so they can make a better, fairer version of the Accords that actually helps instead of just keeping the Avengers on leashes like pets (this ends up being a years-long process overseen by King T'Challa).  
> 3.) Alyssa, as in the Self-Indulgence series, is a waitress who meets Steve because he frequents her diner. They fall in love, Steve befriends Anna & Alyssa befriends Bucky, Steve & Alyssa think they'd be cute together and decide to meddle, Bucky and Anna fall in love and later become engaged.
> 
> There are probably a lot of other little plotholes and inconsistencies I'm forgetting, but this story has a particular focus that is NOT on those things, so hopefully y'all can let that slide.


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